its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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