3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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