Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
