Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
nutella sex= disaster
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
