I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
