I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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