Kiss
Puke
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
