I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize