I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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