seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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