I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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