Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
