happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
