If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
