Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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