I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize