i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
