My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
