I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
