Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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