god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
