Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
