So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm experimenting with sincerity
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize