I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
