So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
