I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
