The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
