I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My pussy is not your playground.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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