we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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