sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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