then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize