i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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