I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize