Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
