After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
