my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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