you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
