I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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