fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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