8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
