why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
