and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
