There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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