first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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