She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
