Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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