I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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