i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
