nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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