Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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