i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
