Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
