My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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