But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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