I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i drank out of a bidet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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