i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
