Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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