Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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