i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
