I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize