I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
