Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
