Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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