How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you didnt know i had herpes?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
