if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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