I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize