Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
